Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
