Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
