I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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