I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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