Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
