I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
