it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I am available for nakedness
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
