Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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