Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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