I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
