Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
