we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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