Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
