how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
