Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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