He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
