I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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