he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
