before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
