Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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