I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
