I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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