I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
