i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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