I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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