If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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