Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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