You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My liver is preforming stress tests.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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