any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
They took my balls.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
