I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
