drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
His nipple licking is glorious
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