i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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