God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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