Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
