Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize