Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
