return my video game
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
