He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
