Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
