i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
