So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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