I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
