Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
