I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
