When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I FOUND THE LEGS
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
