what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
