He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
