Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
