strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize