you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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