I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
