I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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