He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
