Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
