The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
