I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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