There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
