my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize