batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
