I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This is classic penis vs brain.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
