apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
