she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
