Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize