I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
