if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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