YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
