Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
