I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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