I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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