its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
