break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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