at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
