I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
everyone is single if you try hard enough
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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