I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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