omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
