What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
