Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
