Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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