New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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